About Trauma

About PTSD

About “Little t” Trauma

About Complex Trauma

What is Trauma?

Trauma is very simply defined as any experience that feels overwhelming and exceeds our ability to cope.

Trauma is the lasting emotional, physical, and psychological responses that often result from living through an overwhelming event.

According to the National Council for Mental Wellbeing, 70% of adults in the United States have experienced a traumatic event at least once in their lives. This is equivalent to 223.4 million people. 

PTSD, or Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, describes these symptoms:

1. Intrusive thoughts or flashbacks of the event.
2. Nightmares or distressing dreams.
3. Physical responses to thoughts of the event, like sweating or heart pounding.
4. Hyper-vigilance – a state of increased alertness and heightened awareness of potential threats or dangers.
5. Feelings of guilt, shame, or fear, sometimes self-blame.
6. Avoiding thoughts, feelings, or talking about the event.
7. Avoiding situations, places, or people that remind you of the event.
8. Trouble concentrating or focusing.

Trauma does not just “go away” over time.

People often have strong urges to avoid thoughts of the traumatic event and to avoid talking about it, this avoidance is in fact a key symptom of PTSD. The urge to avoid makes it very challenging to get a loved one to seek help, in fact only a small percentage of people who experience trauma ever have treatment.

PTSD is very treatable in the hands of a specially trained licensed therapist.

Acute trauma can happen from a single incident –

one experience that happens one time, and feels life threatening.

Examples of this are: a car accident or other type of serious accident, a medical procedure, a natural disaster, experiencing violence, or any threat to a person’s life.

When we have an experience that feels overwhelming, our bodies and brains perceive a threat, and our primal survival system takes over.

Our primal survival responses are: Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn.

Our Fight response is just that – the urge to fight off a threat.

But it’s often not safe to fight. When it’s not safe to fight, another option is to:

Take Flight or run away from the situation. But if we are unable to escape, another option is to:

Freeze, or to play dead (as wild animals do). Although your heart is racing and adrenaline is pumping through your body, you feel frozen and unable to move or talk.

The fourth potential response is called “Fawning.”

Fawning means you try to appease the threat – to make yourself safe.

Unlike our early ancestors, in modern humans,

Trauma often happens in the context of relationships.

When we perceive a threat in a relationship, as adults we may find ourselves:

Fighting – by arguing, yelling, blaming, criticizing.

Flight – spending a lot of time away from home, frequent business trips, having affairs.

Freeze – freezing up on the person, not being able to touch or communicate.

Fawn – appeasing the person, never saying (or even knowing) what you really think, in an attempt to keep them under control and keep yourself safe. Caretaking or “fixing” behavior.

When trauma happens in the context of relationships when we are children, these survival responses can become habits in our relationships, and continue into adulthood.

How does trauma happen in the context of relationships for children?

Children can’t survive on their own, and they have very few defenses to protect themselves. Children are naturally dependent on the adults in their lives to take care of them, and to keep them safe.

Examples of situations that easily overwhelm a child:

An angry or raging adult, a violent adult, and/or physical abuse

Frequent criticism from an adult (rejection), withholding praise or affection.

Absence of a significant adult in the child’s life,

A helpless adult (a parent that can’t take care of themselves or depends on the child),

Sexual abuse, exposure to pornography, or exposure to sexual behavior of adults.

An adult who is intoxicated with alcohol or drugs around the child.

It’s almost never safe for a child to Fight off a threat, especially from an adult they depend on. Children are usually no match for any adult, physically. You may see a child being defiant with an adult they feel safe with, as part of their Fight response.

Children usually can’t use their Flight response either, they can’t survive on their own, they are usually trapped in situations, even if it feels overwhelming to them.

Children sometimes learn to Freeze in response to a threat, then they can’t move or talk.

Children also learn to Fawn in response to the threat, to tell the person what they want to hear or otherwise cooperate, to try to take care of the adult, be what the adult needs. Protect the family image. This is often why children don’t tell about problems going on at home.

When childhood trauma goes unaddressed, and a felt sense of being unsafe persists into adulthood, and survival responses become habitual in relationships, that is called Complex or Developmental trauma.

Understanding Complex Trauma: Causes, Effects, and Healing

Complex trauma refers to a type of psychological trauma that arises from prolonged or repetitive exposure to distressing and emotionally painful experiences that happen during childhood or formative years. Unlike single-event trauma (one bad thing that happens one time), complex trauma involves ongoing or repeated incidents or circumstances, typically in the context of relationships, marked by a lack of safety, stability, or emotional support.

Common Causes of Complex Trauma

Complex trauma often originates in childhood due to:

• Emotional Neglect: A lack of emotional validation, acceptance, or love from caregivers.
• Parental Rejection or Absence: Experiences of rejection, abandonment or unavailability of a primary parental figure. This includes feeling targeted or highly criticized by a caregiver.
• Chronic Adversity: Exposure to long-term abuse, neglect, or dysfunctional family dynamics. Some examples of situations that create dysfunctional family dynamics are: alcoholism, substance addiction, behavioral addiction, a parent with an illness or a mental illness, a parent with personality disorder traits such as narcissistic or borderline traits, a parent with rage, a parent that enables the problem behavior of another adult, and domestic violence.

These early experiences can lead to profound psychological effects for children, and form negative core beliefs or ways of behaving that persist into adulthood. As much as we may want to, it’s not possible to just “leave it in the past.”

The Development of a False Self

To survive emotionally distressing environments, individuals may create a “false self.” This survival mechanism helps them navigate relationships and seek safety but often leads to a fragmented sense of identity. Over time, the false self masks the person’s true emotions and needs, and hinders personal growth and development. The false self is a FAWN response to trauma.

Emotional Neglect and Its Long-Term Effects

One of the hallmarks of complex trauma is internalized shame. Children who experience emotional neglect may come to believe:

• Their feelings and needs are unworthy of attention
• They are fundamentally flawed or inadequate

These deep-seated beliefs often persist into adulthood, manifesting as low self-esteem, poor self-worth, and difficulty maintaining healthy interpersonal relationships.

Healing from Complex Trauma

Recovery from complex trauma involves addressing these emotional wounds and rediscovering the true self. Key components of healing include:

1. Therapeutic Support: Engaging with highly trained trauma-focused therapists to process and heal emotional pain.
2. Rebuilding Identity: Understanding and letting go of the false self and embracing one’s authentic identity.
3. Self-Compassion: Challenging shame-based beliefs and nurturing a sense of self-worth.

By taking these steps, we can overcome the lasting effects of complex trauma and lead more fulfilling lives.